What are you curious about?

Curiosity seems to be a common theme lately, as I contemplate what it means to be an engaged human being. “A strong desire to know or learn something” (Oxford Dictionary) is the official definition. I realize that in my profession, part of what I am paid to accomplish is to be curious about every patient I encounter. This leads me to ask a lot of questions and to do so in a way that leads to more than a yes or no answer. Open ended questions that lead somewhere, but I am just not sure where. Sometimes it is a dead end, but sometimes we discover something important which could ultimately lead to the best treatment for the patient and prolonging life.

Cats are curious and often get into trouble for it. The old saying, “Curiosity killed the cat” was often thrown around especially when I was younger. I noticed that certain older folks would say it as a way to shame a child or younger person’s thirst for knowing something more. It would always annoy the hell out of me. Over and over again in my life, being curious has kept me out of danger and helped me to help others. Curiosity is only bad for folks in a horror movie. Luckily, we do not live in one! I remember spending time up in the mountains once, and smelling something odd. I stopped what I was doing to investigate. When I opened the door, I realized that it was smoke, and later learned that a forest fire had started just a few miles away. We left. In college, I remember hearing a gasping noise, and went down the hall to investigate with my roommate. Someone had passed out and couldn’t breath… all we had to do was turn him over and he then was fine, though so drunk. In these situations, a curiosity in me led me to change course, though sometimes inconveniently at the time, and chart a different path. Ignoring those moments can be problematic.

I think there are three tendencies which keep people away from curiosity. First, apathy, then indifference, and finally self interest.

Apathy is a lack of interest and motivation. So you smell something odd, but are just not interested. You see someone in trouble and are stuck like a deer staring into headlights. This is a hard one to deal with because often it is an innate quality or characteristic of the person that leads them down this path. It was not a conscious choice. My dog is apathetic about the little ball I roll down the hall. She just looks up at it, and watches it roll by and then closes her eyes and goes back to sleep. On the other hand, my cat stares hard at it, crouches down and springs to life, attacking the ball with fearsome intent. People may have this quality, but I believe can be trained out of it.

Indifference is a choice to not care. It takes some thought, deliberation, and then a choice to withdraw. You smell the smoke but are convinced that it is from the neighbor’s house and not your place, so choose to ignore it. You see someone in trouble but don’t know them and the effort to help is not worth it in your estimation. Again, this is hard to deal with because someone is thinking this through and making a choice. Sometimes I think my dog is indifferent, and my cat cares too much about the ball, but then when I consider their brains, I really do not believe they are that thoughtful. People who are indifferent to something new seem to be at odds with reality from another point of view. The good thing about this status is that people can change their minds, and alter their perception to see something in a new light. Education and empathy can change indifference.

Finally self interest is behavior that is driven by one’s own interest and benefit. It takes some understanding and deliberation, and then a choice to operate only if it benefits the self. You smell smoke, think there might be a fire, and leave but don’t find it necessary to inform your neighbors. You see someone in trouble, assess their social standing and help them but expect a reward. You expect something in return for action, and view the world as transactional. These folks can be had to deal with as well, and seem selfish and unable to do anything unless it benefits themselves. These folks can be helped by a spiritual awakening: where they change their world view and belief system. Helping others can be helpful to everyone, including the individual.

There is an excellent episode in the Ted Lasso TV show on Apple that illustrates this so well. The main character, Ted, is in a bar and wants to stand up for his friend, who is being belittled by her ex-husband. A dart game challenge and bet ensues, and Ted says some profound things. He quotes Walt Whitman sentiment in his works: “Be curious, not judgmental.” He points out that his opponent is playing in a game, assuming that Ted is not good at darts. In fact he is just about a pro and beats the ex-husband in a thrilling turn with a bull’s eye. The trait that could have changed the entire course of this episode would have been if the opponent would have assessed with an open ended question how good his opponent would be: in other words be curious about Ted and who he is, and not assume that he is incompetent.

The answer in my view: seek friends and learning opportunities that educate and train to avoid apathy, choose caring instead of indifference, and build a belief system the embraces love for others over self interest. If we can stop and take a moment to be curious about the people around us and the situations that life throws our way, then I believe our choices would be much more humane and full of empathy, leading us down paths of understanding and knowledge. In my world, this means saving lives and decreasing suffering. Guess what? The bonus is that you will benefit as well.

Be curious about everything. Don’t judge first: have an open mind and see if your world becomes a better place. I believe it will.

Link to episode video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3S16b-x5mRA